It isn't new information that I struggle with depression. But lately I've been having more trouble with it and I wish my husband and my children didn't have to deal with that. I'm either one extreme or the other and that just makes things worse. I struggle with finding the middle and sometimes it scares me what comes out of my mouth or what thoughts come to my mind. I feel like a terrible mother and a terrible wife because of it. I would never intentionally hurt my boys.
Tyler tries so hard to be there for me through everything, but I know that my constantly changing moods weigh down on him. He works so hard to support out little family. I don't want to put any more pressure on him. I'm afraid that I'm going to push him away to the point where he just can't try anymore.
With everything else I'm struggling with energy, I just want to sleep all the time. I worry too much about my body image, always have though. So I blame my lack of energy for gaining weight and therefore try to compensate for that by eating less or trying to eat healthier and work out. Big surprise? I eat more because of my depression and just feel worse because of it. It is because of this I go in a never ending cycle. I want to pull myself out of this and I've tried a lot of different things, I just haven't found the right thing yet.
Side note- the boys are doing well. We've all kind of had colds for the last week or two. Michael is doing well in Preschool. His teacher loves his empathy. Benjamin is progressing well and is speaking more every day. It still seems weird to me because of Michael's speech delay. They are such good friends (Most of the time) and love playing, dancing and reading books.
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